Candy Cane Kisses

Holidays have a way of bringing out the best and worst in people. As for me, I love them and all that they entail. Christmas is my holiday of choice, the music, giving gifts to others, and acts of kindness being extended to perfect strangers.

I never have understood the people who find themselves depressed or out of sorts especially with the beauty and delight that come with all lights that shine with holiday sparkle.

Well, I didn't understand until this year
This year I  have had the unfortunate experience of loss and heartache in many areas of my life. 
It's the pain that comes to steal the brightness from my Christmas sparkle. 

Yes, I now have the understanding of why people may feel like hiding under their winter blanket's while waiting for the bright lights to come down, along with evergreen that invades their senses to be taken out to the curb

What I discovered is that the memories of what use to be during the holidays can hinder what the holidays may look like now in the present 

 So this year I decided to switch things up a bit. 
I no longer want to grieve about what was or what is no longer,
I want to rediscover a new way of making things sparkle. 

I have given up the same tree lot that I have frequented for over 25 years. I have not hung lights from every corner of my roof or hung evergreen garland in my home

I am however not choosing to forget the comfort of what use to be, but I am reinventing what can still be

I am choosing to throw my winter blanket aside and join the the laughter of my children

It doesn't mean that my grief and the pain of my broken heart is gone but Christmas has a way of wanting the best in all of us to shine like a beacon to the broken hearts of others. 

I want to find my laughter, my joy, my peace on Christmas morning stuffed all snug like a bug in my stocking or tucked under the tree wrapped and ready to be opened.

Tonight I stare into the light of the fire and suddenly with my hand over my heart I can feel the pain that continues to pierce it. 

I'm sure as I sleep tonight the memories of who and what I miss along with pictures of the days past will haunt me, they do nightly. When tomorrow comes, when I wake I will choose to participate in what God has gifted me with. The laughter of my children, taking in the fragrance of the day and even enjoying the music that fills the air of grocery stores shopping malls and family homes.

I will give my kids my candy cane kisses...