Vice Grip

Ever feel like your heart is being squeezed to the point where it takes your breath away?

That's what it feels like when your loved one betrays you, dies, lies, leaves or just runs into the arms of  life without you.

I love to write because it has always been a way of putting it all out there for me. I heal through my writing and the words that flow out of me. I recently discovered it can hurt others even when unattended, for that I am truly sorry. 
My words were never meant to expose one another's faults or imperfections but to expose the pain that this life dishes out and if I can help anyone else through my struggles and the victories found in them then it hasn't all been for nothing

I write about what this world takes from others. I also write about what this world has taken from me. The world can be so beautiful and yet so ugly and cruel. I hate to love it but love to hate it too

This life goes by so fast, I thought I knew who I was and who I would be, only to find out I am not what I thought, but I am still what I never imagined I could be.
Sounds confusing I know but its just the way I see it. In other words sometimes we think life is suppose to be one way and it ends up another and sometimes its better then we could ever imagined it ever being.

 Right now tonight, I am struggling with what the world is throwing at me
I'm consumed by fear, sadness, disappointment and worry
I feel alone and pretend I am not
So, I write...
My smile masks my pain and my laughter covers my tears
My need to stay busy covers my loss, but when the day is done and its quiet I have to deal with me and the way I feel about today 
So I write...

When I feel like my heart is being squeezed by a vice grip and I can't take a breath from the pain being so severe I write as tho it's my confession

 I look up and after I've poured myself out for all of heaven to hear, I lay down my pen or close my laptop then close my eyes 

I guess you can say I've handed my heart, with all it's mess and shattered pieces to my father to fix, mend and heal

My writing isn't about creating more pain but healing from it

Adele - You'll never see me again ( FULL leaked song )

"Inside Out" Yup this is my saying at the moment










Let's just say, I'm experiencing all of these feelings in my life at the moment...

Shell Shocked

I Miss You... 

To My Eternal Friend,

I close my eyes and see you standing at my door with a pizza in your hands for the family. It's your favorite with all the works. 

I see you laying In my big fluffy bed taking turns being the perfect listener.

 I Am Happy For You my precious friend but so sad that you've gone so soon.

Hugs, Laughter, Silly Jokes that is how I remember our days of ups and downs, hospital stays and holiday celebrations. 

 I see your eyes and all their sparkle when you smile. Your beautiful hands that reached out for others in need.

I will always remember you being a teacher of great compassion, love,  and an unstoppable giving Heart. 

Your drive to please our father and always feeling like not enough, when you my friend were always then, and always will be exactly who you were born to be, perfect, blameless and a lover of Jesus  

I even miss your brutal honesty, "yes I need more rest!"

I miss your midnight calls with prayer filled nights that spilled into the wee hours of the morning.

I miss YOU my dear friend.

I find comfort in knowing that I can look forward to hearing you one day welcoming me into my eternity while calling my name "Bobby!"

I laugh at the memory of you doing the Hula on the Santa Barbara shores or laying oil in all the stores

I look at the sky while driving and see you looking out the window calling out shapes of each white, pink and wisps of clouds floating by.

Our car rides filled with song and worship or deep discussions of what we all imagined Heaven to be like.

I think about you daily and continue to wonder about all the places that you are now I have yet to be...

 You are gone but Not gone. You are nowhere but everywhere! 

You will battle no more sickness, disappointments, worry, opposition, division, lack or bore. 

 My heart hurts and everyone you set eyes on here misses you 

I Miss you...