30 Days of Goodbye
Should this feel like 30 days of goodbye?
Or Like being dropped off at Circus Themed summer camp or worse yet, the door of a rehab. What a circus! "Step right up to 28 days to break the bad habit of loving each other badly!"
Do I chase after the car or hold on to the camp councilor of hope and despair?
I will stand watching as the car pulls away from the shelter of my heart.
Day One: A decision has been made and the junkies of denial, misery and devotion have agreed.
Its been the day of disbelief and if I admitted it,
even some relief.
I'm holding the secrets of my heart as you storm the gates with your sword of angry desperation but I hold my ground of righteous denial ..
Doubt, Tears and Fear....I'm going to pick up the phone, I'm going to send a text a message of my love and pour out my worry just to hear your voice, the voice that might calm the possibilities of what if?
Day 2 : Today I worshiped my father, I am on my way to hear the news from yet another future keeper. First stop Java for the nerves, make it large with an extra shot of courage please.
This drive seems quiet, but so alive with noise and I am glad it drowns the sounds of my solitude.
"Father I will trust in you and for all that has been written for us"
Us?...
Tonight I feel your spirit floating around me, I feel your thoughts swimming my way, they consume the air in which I struggle
to take in.
My spirit woke me as it called out for you...Its early the birds are fast asleep and I hear your heart from miles away. I will lay here and take your memory in. Rest calls my name...
Day 3:
I think the need to clarify what has been left behind during the following 30days far out weighs the consequences of a broken rules of our rehab. So today lets see each other, laugh, cry, tap our feet to the rhythm of our hearts? but let's not look ahead to tomorrow but let us stay in the moment of us.
Maybe if we hold our gaze long enough the distractions of the storm will settle, the blue skies will appear long enough to see some amazing stars
Day 4: Is Day 1: And so it all begins again consequences and rules of hello's & goodbyes.
To Be Continued...
As I wipe the tears from my eyes many things
ReplyDeleteCome to mind as I read your story. When I was a youth I found myself enjoying the fruits of narcotics. The beauty, excitement, thrills and constant state of euphoria I craved to no end.. Many years later tired and worn. I was givin a choice. To move away and continue to chase that high. Or to go away for 30 days. Get hello and return to life as I knew it.
I chose to get help. Those 30 days turned into 60 then 60 into ? A lot. Going home was without question a bit of a shock. Not a day goes by I don't think about it. Reflecting back I never looked at the displeasures of drugs but rather the pleasures of doing them. Once an
Addict always am addict. When I sopped using drugs I needed something to fill the space that drugs used to reside in. A short time after that I did. It was a cold winters night, garlic filled the air. I looked under the tree, and behold iid was there. The one in white pants, with the soft long blond hair.
IT WAS CRISTMAS
Robyn's dream ??
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